Resident'e E' Val
by Dark Knight7
Summary: Rating just for saftey. Active rating as of now is about 14 one. Basically all differents scenes in very wrong ways, enjoy.


Scene: Resident Evil 1 (Opening Movie)  
  
Chris: We've been out here for weeks now. This brings back bad boy scout memories.  
  
Jill: Whiner.  
  
Chris: Bitch.  
  
*Jill walks over to Chris seductively.  
  
Jill: Well I am your Bitch after all.  
  
*Chris gets all nervous eyed as Jill puts her arms around Chris's shoulders.  
  
Chris: *Laughs a cocky sort of way* Yeah I guess you are.....................Ugggghhh.  
  
*Jill just kneed him in the balls.  
  
Jill: Serves you write you FID (Faggot In Denial)  
  
Chris:(Mumbles groans.)  
  
******  
  
Wesker: Barry, take a look at that chopper there.  
  
* Barry walks over and peeks in the back.  
  
Wesker: What's in there, Barry?  
  
Barry: Damn, no wonder they crashed, there's discarded Lingerie, about seven dozen empty cans of beer, and a shopping bag full of Weed.  
  
Wesker: but did you find anything?  
  
***************************************  
  
Forest: Hmm, what've we got here.  
  
* Digs around in the grass. He pulls up the barrel of a 9mm.  
  
Forest: Ohh, Sweet. Hey It's stuck.  
  
Forest Pulls up the rest of the hand and eventually the arm and the rest of the body.  
  
Forest: Leon, What are you doing here, Leon?  
  
Leon Kennedy: I was at this wicked Chopper party and...  
  
**Several minutes of exaggerated sexual experience with S.T.A.R.S Bravo Team member Rebecca Chambers Later**  
  
Forrest: whoa. Hey! You know what would totally suck right now. If there were a pack of hungry and teased and badly hurt dogs out to get us right now.  
  
**Deep Growl from out in the Woods.**  
  
Leon: Hey, You know what, I just realized I am one game early anyways. Heh, Heh. Bye.  
  
**Leon Runs like a son of a bitch as Forest Gets attacked by a fake looking dog that threatens the Camera making elephant like sounds.  
  
************************************************  
  
Scene: Resident Evil 1: Inside the Mansion. Barry: Whoa! What a mansion!  
  
Jill: Is any one else having some serious House on Haunted Hill Flashbacks here?  
  
Wesker: Where'd my Bitch.. Er ah Chris go?  
  
**Kaboooooomie!!!  
  
Wesker: What was that?  
  
Jill: I don't wanna know.  
  
Barry: It might be Chris.  
  
Jill: (laughs hysterically after finished wipes a tear from her eye) He only Brought his Plastic Knife.  
  
** Chris jumps out of Nowhere with the Rocketknife of Doom(tm). He blows all of em' to hell.  
  
************************************* Jill and Barry enter the Hall from the double doors. Barry walks so far up. Jill equips her gun. She spends about 5 minutes examining her gun in the inventory.  
  
Barry: Jill come here.  
  
Jill continues to play around with her inventory.  
  
Barry: Jill?  
  
Jill walks over and looks through the Keyhole.  
  
Wesker: Well, I think I'll lock the doors on them and run out the other side.  
  
Barry: (right next to her) JILL!!!!  
  
Jill jumps.  
  
Barry: COME HERE!  
  
Jill: Your not my father.  
  
Barry: I want to show you something.  
  
Jill: You're a little old for me, Barry.  
  
Barry: No Woman, Over here.  
  
Jill: Alright, but no funny stuff old timer.  
  
Barry:.....  
  
Jill: What is it?  
  
Barry:(in a strange Blunt accent) Blood.  
  
Jill:Ewwwww. Blood make me sickie.  
  
Barry: I hope it's not Chris's blood.  
  
Jill:Ewww, Ewww,  
  
She jumps up an down to emphasize her point.  
  
Barry turns around and cold cocks her out cold. She falls to the floor in a hard pile.  
  
Barry Turns back and kneels down next to the blood stain.  
  
Barry: Ah ha, It is Cherry Flavored Cool Aid.  
  
**Licks some up** Barry: Oh, Wait. It is blood. *shrugs*  
  
Barry licks until Jill wakes up.  
  
*****************************  
  
Scene: Resident evil 1: Jill enters the hall next to the dining room.  
  
Jill hears a sick crunching sound. She walks around and sees the Zombie eating Kenneth.  
  
Jill:Ewww, Blood.  
  
Zombie: (Looks up and jumps in shock.) Now, I know what your thinkin, but let me assure you that this was a complete accident. His brains splattered all over me when he hit the floor. And well I tried to Orally reinsert them.  
  
Jill: R...I...G...H...T....  
  
Zombie: I swear. Oh wait. Is that some brain on your head there.  
  
Jill runs screaming out of the hall as the Zombie chases behind screaming "wait, I just wanna help you"  
  
Barry jumps up from licking blood aid.  
  
Barry: I wasn't doing it again I swear Jill.  
  
Jill: I don't care, Just shoot that Thing.  
  
Zombie: Oh no, Magnum, Magnum Make Zombie heads go Boom!  
  
Barry: (Eyes Widen at the Blood aid covered zombie) I Lick you good.  
  
Barry proceeds to eat the Zombie. Talk about Irony.  
  
**********************************************  
  
Scene: Out in the Courtyard. Chris just took the elevator down to where the dogs are.  
  
Chris:....  
  
Z. Dog:**Looks around cautiously** psst, hey, you, Copper, you got any milk bones?  
  
Chris: Aren't you a little dead to be playing with milk bones?  
  
Z.Dog: what are you talkin bout' G? (Dog speaks as if he is insulted, but strangely enough a piece of his nose falls off.)  
  
Chris: Eat Rocketknife of Dooooooooooooooooooooooooooommmmm- *Chris took so long saying doom that the Dog decayed before Chris Firslashed.  
  
Well, that's good for an opener, I promise a longer chapter if you like me enough to reveiw. Capcom Own's basically everything. There is reference to a couple of things that I don't own. But if your not a pop culture buff e' nuff to tell I don't on them than you can think I do. (Kidding, Seriously don't sue me.) The Only thing I do own is The Rocketknife of Doom. 


End file.
